Friday, July 1, 2011

Do you ever feel all alone?

Do you ever feel all alone, like no one would even notice if you were gone?

I sure have.. a lot! :( 

 The last two years have by far been the most challenging in my life. I've had a pretty ruff life, losing my mom when I was only 7 and then my dad getting ill when I was 17.
That's when I met my boyfriend at the time.
I ended up marrying him at the age of 19 and then we soon started our amazing family. I had my first child at 21 and the second at 24. When I met my husband and started my family. I didn't have a need for anything else. I was totally content with my family.
I never finished school and by the time I started my family, I was to busy to go back and finish.
Then I started my own business and I didn't need it for that either.
So, I enjoyed my family life and thought nothing would ever come in between us..

Well, I was very wrong.
About two years ago, my husband met someone else while at work and starting cheating on me. Our "perfect" marriage
(so I thought) came to an abrupt end.
I was more than devastated.. I was with him for 20 yrs.
I was just a 17 yr old kid when we started dating.
I was sooo lost, it was by far the most painful thing I have ever experienced in my life.. Even losing my parents, because they didn't choose to leave me. He did.
The last two years I have been trying to heal and find myself through all of the pain. I have two kids and no education. I had to move out of our home because it was to expensive
and that caused me to have to let go of my job of 11 yrs.
Once again I found myself lost, now I am a single mom with no job, no income, no education, no friends..
What a horrible place to be..
Thank God..
I have my kids, and I had my grandma, and my siblings.
I was very close to my grandma..
She believed in me when I didn't even believe in myself.
In April, I lost her. She was one of the only people I KNEW loved me and believed in me.. (besides my kids)
Once again I felt lost, and very sad.
I've been trying to find my way ever since.
I still don't have a job, or an education..
Working on that now!
Here I am getting ready to turn 40 & I'm
starting my life all over again..
I still don't have any friends around here. 
All of my friends are in other states. :(
Still struggle financially..
And I would be a liar if I said I don't have bad days and feel so very sad & alone..

But, I keep reminding myself..
This is all a part of God's plan.
HE will get me through this in His time.
There are many many days I am weary, and I feel defeated.
But, God always has a way to uplift me and give me just enough strength to make it another day.
I know that God will turn all this around for good.
I will never understand why I have had to endure so much sadness in my life, but I will continue to trust Him, and believe He has better things on the way for me & my kids..

It's hard sometimes to watch everyone else have such a filled life, and be able to go here and there or to afford to buy their kids this & that. It's hard on me as a mom, to see my kids do without, but I know my kids are going to be amazing individuals with huge hearts & lots of compassion because they know what it's like go through hard times & to do without..

There has been many times I've wondered where God was and if he forgot about me, and how he could allow this pain to go on for so long..
But.. My faith is unshakable and even though I go through those weak times.
I will always trust in Him, and what He has for my life..

Today as I opened my Bible to get some much needed inspiration, I came across this scripture..
Just confirming to me He is on my side.
You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. On the very day I call to you for help, my enemies retreat. This I know: God is on my side. Psalms 57:8

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